Integrity

The river flows on

I have been in truckee for enough time to have some sense of what it means to be single here. I talk about it a lot, with a lot of people. There are many sayings here "You don't lose your girlfriend, you lose your turn" and for ladies "The odds are good but the goods are odd". Agreed. This really isn't a truckee problem, it is a mountain/outdoor problem. I always say "Well, if it isn't flat and warm, there won't be any girls". I don't actually say that, but I should, because it is true.

With a ratio of 7:3 men to women in Truckee (I totally just made that up) there is a sense of urgency when you meet someone single, as if you should just pounce on them. This goes for both sexes, really. Frankly, there just aren't that many responsible, compassionate, professional, spiritual, thoughtful, intelligent, athletic, healthy, attractive people, that are single. There are plenty of those people, they just already have partners. And actually, when you write out that list, it does sound like a tall order.

I went out to Twin Lakes this weekend to solidify some thoughts about being single.

It is hard to live with integrity in the dating world. There are so many choices: Where do you find for a partner? Do you actively search for a partner(use a dating site, actively put yourself in situations where you meet other people)? Do you live in the moment or live for the future?

The night helps me to solidify some thoughts

(this was my first long exposure at night, and it is extremely hard to focus with no way of seeing your photo until after it processes. One more skill to practice)

These are the pillars I have chosen to live by

1. The mantra "I accept and appreciate what is and am open to what could be"

Man, you have to say this a lot, because it is hard to live by.

We have the option of being happy all the time, if we choose to be satisfied with what we have. Notice that this mantra is not "I accept and appreciate what is and am frustrated by lost opportunities". Frankly, we will meet thousands of people, and our experience with them will only deepen our understanding of our needs and abilities within the context of a relationship. I am thankful to each person that I have had the pleasure of dating, whether for a day or for years. They have all taught me something about relationships and myself.  On the flip side, we can only thank people for the opportunity to get to know them, and not expect anything more, in this way we can have gratitude for any relationship that we are in, rather than feeling empty when we are not in one.

It is a long journey, but at least you have your friends.

2. Be true to yourself

The anxiety that we feel because of the lack of good options puts more pressure on us to force things. It does not work. Your heart always wins, eventually. There is something to the idea that you should give things time before making a decision, but it seems like the people that I know that fell in love, followed their heart for the whole journey. Love is illogical, so don't try to explain it, just feel it.

The addendum here is that you should not just be chasing someone because they are the opposite sex. Being true to yourself means being true to the other person too. I always ask myself the question "Would I want to hang out with this person if there were no possibility for us to get together". If the answer is no, then why are you hanging out with them? Frankly, you have marginalized that person, and yourself, into just a fraction of what you actually are.

3. Communicate

It sucks being rejected, no doubt about it, but if you are thankful for the time you spent together and never expected more, you end up with more gratitude. And trust me, no communication is the worst. It is like a wound that never heals. You just keep looking at it, and sure enough, it is still there. The message is clear, but it was never actually said, which is just shitty. We can forgive those people, but frankly you should try not to be one. Be honest. It is drastically better.


Being in the dating game can make you tired.

I live by these pillars because I maintain contentment for this moment, build honest relationships, communicate to those about my intentions as soon as I am aware and able to(which is not always as soon as the other person would like), and have gratitude to those that give me the opportunity to be with them. This is the best I can do, this is my ideal. I don't always live up to it, but these are the pillars I hope to achieve while being single, and while dating.

Good luck!