West Virginia

I lost my boat. The first thing that happens to me on my big journey is I lose my boat.

I walk into the airport, skulking around. It is impossible to be inconspicuous.

"What is that?". The clerk looks at me and she busies herself by pushing random buttons on a screen.

I knew this question was coming. I had trained for it. I have read blogs airport clerk person! I have you fooled!

"It is a waveski"

It isn't really a waveski.  No one knows what a waveski is though, so it is a waveski. There is no category for them to find it in so they have to make a judgement call. Sometimes they are dicks and sometimes they are nice.

"$300"

"Huh?"

"$300"

"Really? I have never even heard of anyone paying 200. 150 max. Is there anything I can do?"

"No"

Erik on the phone

"Can you come get this, I guess I am going without it"

And thus, in completely ordinary kayaker fashion: logistical failure, the trip had begun.

The people you meet on a plane
We all do our own little sociological studies on the plane. I found that middle aged men are much more willing to converse than college girls. I also found that it is impossible not to daydream about stewardesses, despite the logistical nightmare it would be to get with one of them. Nightmare, seriously. But there you go, thinking about it anyway. What else is there to occupy your mind with? I mean... I love the movie Rio as much as the next guy, but those leggings?

Thats what I get for not bringing a book.

I am in Dumbo, the gigantic ear flapping elephant, a plane. There are eight TVs and the safari begins. The tour guide does a little shuffle up front.

Fight club.

I can't help but imagine the plane splitting in two after a collision with another plane midflight. The air masks come down and I calmly put mine on then put my neighbors on, just as instructed. The plane is rapidly descending into oblivion. I turn around a grab my chair seat, awaiting a water landing while softly squeezing my flotation device. Air is ripping through the cabin as the seats behind me are riped into mid air. Somehow we pull ot of it and land in the water. Then we all get to slide down the inflated slip and slide. Now I really wish I had my kayak. Damn it.

But that doesn't happen.

The men smile and women look away in the airplane, except the stewardess. My mind wanders... Is there a movie on this flight? Is society really decaying? I feel the itch for entertainment.  Unfortunately I will not be receiving any from the blonde college age chick next to me as she refuses to make eye contact with me for the first three hours of our flight, despite our obvious similarity in age and attractiveness. Turns out she is 19 and wants to be a lawyer. Her mom is a lawyer and is sitting right next to her, doesn't speak a word for 5 hours. Captivating people. Everyone loves lawyers.

The cabin shakes as we fly, turning everyone into jello. The girls shakes next to me. She is napping and her whole body reverberates with turbulence. Jello.

Thankfully I can replace these hopeless republicans with television. The people on TV can fulfill my human need for stories and gossip, to feel like I am part of a greater culture, a part of a group of individuals.

We land. There is a kayak in the lobby. I try to steal it but it is bolted, like a fixture. It is an advertisement for West Virginia. "Wild. Wonderful" West Virginia. I snarl at the kayak. Stupid kayak, let it in here but not my kayak. Stupid airplane people, hate kayakers. Stupid air.